Grief is a complex process.  Here are 7 things that will help you understand grief and how it affects you

1. It’s not just about sadness

It is so much more complex than sadness.  It is psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual.  There is anger, emptiness, guilt, regret, annoyance and if only(s).  There’s pain, heartache, chest pain, bodily fatigue, exhaustion, headaches, changes to appetite and concentration levels reduce

2. Grief is also about loss

Grief is the response we have to any significant loss including divorce/relationship breakdown, chronic ill health, major injury/physical trauma, and the impact of the pandemic.  Loss is not always done to us, sometimes it can occur when we chose to change something eg move to a different house in a different, leave a partner or change a job.

3. Grief and loss affect how we see ourselves

Significant changes in our lives affect how we feel about ourselves.  They affect our identity and sense of who we know ourselves to be – we are changed and we can feel the loss of what was.  We question our identity and our way of being in the world and these feelings can be worked through therapy.

4. Grieving for a childhood

Neglect, abuse, powerlessness, and trauma experienced in childhood impact our adult relationships.  We learn different ways to live in the world that keep us safe, but as adults those strategies that kept us safe can prevent us from creating healthy adult relationships.  We grieve for a loss of a childhood that could have been.

5. Grief does not have distinct stages

Kubler-Ross (1969) defined the stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance giving the impression that grief goes through distinct stages.  Grief is not linear, it is messy and it can feel like two steps forward one step backward.  You will find overlap of these stages and that is okay.

6. Grief can be complicated

When grief takes over your life and prevents you from working, socialising or living your normal life this can be termed complicated grief.

7.  Grief has no specific timeline

Grief has no specific timeline and no one can determine when you will start feel more more ‘normal’.  You tend to sense and notice a lifting of that weight you’ve been carrying around.  It could be months or even years before you notice a semblance or your normal.